“Hon, where’s the butter?”

Father measures girth

“You have the right to remain sullen. Anything you say can and will be used against you.”

“This DVD of Billy’s first day of school is due back in two days, Mom.”

Diapers changed

What to make for dinner

Grandmother in “coo” attempt

“As your mother I took the liberty of making your wishes and blowing out your candles.”

In This Business 14 Years

"Excuse the mess. It's our first compost heap."

“Well, you could be the 53rd president if you’d just try.”

Diaper change machine

“I admit I parked illegally, maxed out my credit cards and gave the kids candy for lunch.”

Ask me about my grandchildren

“You knew when you married me you were marrying my family.”

“Bingo! A cell phone, DVD and ATM card.”

“It came with the house.”

“Tell me about the days before lattés and pilates.”

“Oh, him? He was a Rhesus monkey. Of course, he was only distantly related.”

“You’d be pretty if you’d just lose some height.”

“In Grandma’s day we survived without ever sipping from a sports bottle.”

“She’s busy. The cleaning lady is coming.”

Lawn tractor vacuum cleaner

“You don’t write. You don’t call. You don’t read my blog.”

“Sorry, I’m late. I needed a boat.”