“Ooo. That’s cold.”
“The labs are back.”
“Oh, him? We went to medical school together.”
“You have Lyme’s Disease. Do you spend any time in areas where there are a lot of deer?”
“Laughter is the best medicine. Please see the cartoonist on your way out.”
“McGuire! Party of two!”
“I’m referring you to another doctor’s blog.”
“Ever notice the medical programs never show the dashing young doctors doing paperwork?”
“What can I do? The princess isn’t on our list of specialists.”
“Oh, him? He’s bored certified.”
“‘Keep it elevated’ refers to the leg, not the blood alcohol level.”
“And now, my mother, Mrs. Knable, will put you to sleep with tales of her arthritis.”
Poked/Prodded
“Don’t be embarrassed. It’s only a reptile dysfunction.”
“That’s Dr. Cray conducting research.”
“Don’t you have any regular doctors?”
Detox
“Dear, are you sure you’re relaxing and not thinking about work?”
“You have one repetitive stress injury, one carpal tunnel syndrome and twenty-eight ...”
“No, bring me the OTHER instrument tray.”
“Don’t worry. It’s a CT scan, not a ‘seedy’ scan.”
“Why do I have all these pagers and cell phones? Well, I AM an “On Call Ogist’.”
“Of course, feel free to get a second opinion.”
Clinical Trails
“Why clone sheep? They ought to clone more doctors.”
“I’m sorry. I thought I could save him, but there was just too much paperwork.”
“Finally! A man interested in my brain.”
“Sorry, Bernie. We found out about your rejuvenating jelly.”
“Don’t you think it would be better if you saved yourself?”
“Patients kept saying, ‘You don’t understand. You never smoked’. So I started and now I can’t stop.”